


Dick in a Cage

by implicated2



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Celibacy, F/M, Humor, chastity devices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-14
Updated: 2013-06-14
Packaged: 2017-12-14 22:37:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/842165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/implicated2/pseuds/implicated2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>April and Andy try out a new kink. And then tell the whole Parks Department about it.</p>
<p>For the Kink Bingo "chastity devices" square.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dick in a Cage

**Author's Note:**

> Gently betaed by killer_quean.
> 
> Small content note: Some characters express concern and/or disbelief about chastity as a kink. Our protagonists mostly ignore them.

At the start of the first Parks Department meeting of the day, Andy has been celibate for twelve hours and thirteen minutes. By the time Leslie's halfway through her presentation, it's been twelve hours and fifty-three minutes, and April is elbowing him.

“Andy,” she whispers. “You're snoring. And you drooled on my shoulder.”

He sits bolt upright. “Public forum!” he says loudly, which is the last thing he remembers Leslie saying. “Expression of democracy!”

“Shh,” April hisses. “It's intermission. We don't have to think about democracy for another three minutes. Besides, you're the shoeshine guy. It doesn't matter if you pay attention.”

“Oh,” Andy says groggily. He's pretty sure Leslie is the ony person he's ever heard of whose PowerPoints have intermissions.

“And stop looking at him,” April adds in a louder voice, glaring around the room. “He's just been super needy ever since I put his dick in a cage.”

Andy claps his hand over his mouth. He thinks of sleeping with April last night, flat on his back and her above him, making those hot little noises that sound like scoffing but aren't. “You'd better like this,” she said, digging her nails into his hips. “It's the last time for you for a while,” and just the thought of what would come next, the cage and the little key on a string around April's neck, made his eyes bug out, made him gasp and pant and flail.

April nudges him again, and Andy sits up with a start. Everyone in the room has fallen silent.

Ben recovers first. “Which is how you young people talk about relationships these days,” he says slowly, “and not the reason I saw a package for something called the NoGasm 3000 in the pile by the recycling.”

“Ew, Ben,” says April. “Stop going through our trash.”

“You got the 3000?” Donna asks, looking impressed. “Girl, lock him _up_!” She gives April a high five.

Tom's mouth has been wide open since April first spoke. “You're serious?” he asks, staring at Andy. “Your actual—” he gestures toward Andy's crotch “—is in an actual cage.”

Andy nods enthusiastically, and Tom gapes at him.

“I'm going to regret this,” Ron drawls from the doorway to his office, “but _why_?”

“I dunno,” Andy says, throwing up his hands. What are you supposed to tell someone who doesn't get how obviously ridiculously awesome it is to have April controlling your entire ability to do sexy stuff? Maybe he should write a song about it. “Why not?”

“He can't jerk off,” April explains flatly. “I can. Sucks to be him.”

“Baby,” Andy breathes, looking longingly at April. “You are so hot right now.”

“...and that's the end of intermission,” Leslie announces hurriedly.

Andy swears he hears like five people breathe a sigh of relief.

 

After the presentation, April needs to do some actual work, so Andy goes back to his shoeshine stand. He's sort of pacing back and forth there when he hears someone call his name.

“Hey, Ann,” Andy says, sitting down. It occurs to him that he and Ann used to have sex, and now someone else literally holds the key to his dick. He wonders if she can tell just by looking.

“Leslie texted me.”

“Cool.” Andy's pretty sure Leslie texts Ann several times an hour.

“Just—” Ann makes a face like she's either in pain or about to sneeze. “Please tell me you're not just doing this because April talked you into it. Please tell me this is something you actually want—no, god, don't tell me that either, just—Andy, are you okay?”

Andy stares at her for a minute, and then his jaw drops in delighted comprehension. “You're thinking about my dick!”

Ann sighs loudly. “Andy, the entire Parks Department is thinking about your dick.”

Whoa. “That is so cool,” Andy breathes.

“I just want to know if you're okay,” Ann says again.

Andy nods vigorously. “I am _so_ okay. I am more than okay.”

He watches Ann breathe in, then breathe out. “Okay,” she says. “Well, that's good.”

Andy keeps nodding, and then Ann makes a face. “And are you, like, taking care of yourself, hygeine-wise? Because things can get pretty funky down there.”

Andy shrugs. “I guess so?”

Ann looks at him for a long time. “Okay,” she says finally. Well, just take care of yourself, all right?”

“Sure,” Andy says, as she disappears down the hall.

 

At lunchtime, Andy goes back to the Parks Department office just in time to see Ron beckon April in to talk to him. He has that look on his face like he's about to give her some fatherly advice.

“What?” Andy hears April say as she sits down across from Ron's desk.

“April,” Ron clears his throat. “A man's penis—” And, whoa, _Ron_ is thinking about Andy's dick. “You can't—” He clears his throat again. “Imagine you had a big, juicy steak, but someone had hidden it under a leaf of lettuce.”

“I like lettuce,” April says.

Andy can practically hear Ron scowling. “Nobody likes lettuce.”

“Well, I do,” says April. “And I like not letting Andy have steak. Or, wait, is Andy the steak? Ron, your metaphor's gross, and it doesn't even make sense.”

Ron makes a grunting noise. “Agreed,” he says finally. “Let's pretend this conversation never took place, shall we?”

“What conversation?” April deadpans, and Andy can just see Ron give her an approving nod as she walks away.

 

Over the rest of the day, Andy hears from basically everyone at City Hall. Chris stops by to tell him about some guy who thought abstaining from masturbation was literally the healthiest thing you could do (though he also invented corn flakes, which is probably the world's most boring cereal, so Andy's not sure this guy's opinion counts). Tom follows him into the men's room wanting to take a peek, and Andy has to explain that first of all, his dick is for April's eyes only, which is actually super hot, and second, that it's kind of complicated to pee with this thing on, which isn't hot, but at least gives him a reason to use a stall. And he's pretty sure Jerry lets it slip that he and Gayle use the NoGasm 1000, which freaks out Donna and Leslie but kind of makes Andy like the guy more.

He's on his knees, buffing the shoes of some City Council member he's pretty sure has fallen asleep when April puts her hand on the back of his neck.

“Let's get out of here,” she says, and if he could, he'd get a boner right then and there just from how happy he is to see her and the fact that it's been nineteen whole hours. As it is, he drops the shoeshine cloth, takes off his apron, and kisses April on the mouth.

The councilman doesn't budge.

“Hey, Andy,” April says, once they've pulled themselves apart. “You still want that thing on your dick, right?”

Andy feels his eyes widen. “Yeah!” he says, suddenly alarmed. “ _You_ still want that thing on my dick, don't you?”

April smiles, a narrow little sly smile. “Yeah. I just— Leslie said something that got me worried for a second. And I think Ron tried to compare your dick to a steak.”

“They so don't get it,” Andy says, starting to laugh. “Ann said I should try to keep it _clean_.”

April rolls her eyes, then gives him a little poke in the shoulder. “So, you really want to keep it?”

“I really, really, _really_ want to keep it.”

“Well, that's good,” says April, “because I kind of lost the key.”

Andy can feel his eyes practically bulging out of his head. Okay. His dick is going to belong to April forever. That is actually incredibly awesome. He is never going to have an orgasm again. That is... well, it kind of sucks, but it is also, weirdly, really hot. Like, he basically wants to throw himself at April's feet right now. “Whoa,” he finally manages to say. “Wow.”

“Haha,” April says, reaching under the neckline of her shirt to pull out the thin green string where the key is still hanging. “Just kidding.”

And then Andy does throw himself at her feet, drops his knees and wraps his arms around her legs. She stumbles but catches herself, catches him, puts her hand in his hair and holds him against her. He loves April so much right now. He can feel the 3000 holding him in, pressing against him. It's a good feeling.

“You totally could, though,” Andy mumbles into her stomach. “I could just wear it forever.”

April runs her finger along the string that holds the key. “You still can,” she says. “But this way, you know I'm the one making you.”

“ _Baby_ ,” Andy breathes, looking straight up at April. “You are so right.”

“I know.” April gives him a tap in the ribs with her knee. “So... wanna go home and watch me jerk off?”

Andy pictures it, April on the bed with her hand in her underwear. April all the way naked, bouncing herself against that goth vibrator with the black studs. April teasing as she does it— _sucks to be you_. He pictures himself naked on his knees, watching, waiting, wearing the cage as long as she wants him to.

“Yes,” Andy says, gazing upwards. “Definitely, absolutely yes.”

“Good,” April says, and with her free hand, she helps him to his feet.


End file.
